I've got a new solution to the culture wars plaguing America:
Give 'em what they want.
My 10-point plan includes relocating conservatives to their own separate, but equal, mid-western territory with the following features:
- In addition to an abortion ban, forced adoption of all unwanted, inner-city infants to conservative homes
- Governmental monitoring of all extra-martial and pre-martial interaction with the opposite sex to ensure a chaste, righteous lifestyle
- Weekly "outing" of gay family members for all conservative families followed by public shaming and ridicule of parents
- Construction of enormous domed living areas for conservatives, also zoned for completely unregulated industrial use and no environmental standards
- 5 hours of daily mandatory prayer and scripture study (that'll keep them busy)
- Biblical punishments for all crimes (US code, all 10 Commandments, and Mosaic Law)
- No taxes and therefore no services, including roads, police, sanitation, water, electricity, etc.
- 100% pro-business laws --no minimum wage, no insurance, and no benefits of any kind (that'd hurt business!)
- Free automatic weapons and ammo for all children of NRA members in good standing
- 1 out of every 4 citizens incarcerated! Qualify with almost any crime from blasphemy to jaywalking
posted on Saturday, September 25, 2004 10:34 PM